Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships

In this episode, my guest is Esther Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author. She explains healthy romantic relationship dynamics and how to achieve them. The answer includes curiosity not just about the other person but, more importantly, about who we can evolve into through healthy relating.

Esther explains the fundamental differences and challenges in relationships formed at different stages of life. We also discuss relationship conflict and how to give and receive a true apology.

Additionally, we discuss fidelity, breaches of trust, reviving relationships, and tools for understanding your needs regarding love and desire in a relationship. The episode will help listeners understand the key elements to find, build, and revive deeply satisfying romantic relationships.

Articles

• Procedures for identifying infants as disorganized/disoriented during the Ainsworth Strange Situation (The University of Chicago Press)
• The Interpersonal Neurobiology of Intersubjectivity (Frontiers in Psychology)

Books

• Childhood and Society
• The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
• Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

Other Resources

• Erikson’s Stages of Development (Verywell Mind)
• ‍The 4 Attachment Styles and How They Impact You (Cleveland Clinic)
• Esther Perel's new Desire courses are launching tomorrow, September 17—use code HUBERMAN15 for 15% off any course through December

People Mentioned

• Erik Erickson: child psychoanalyst
• Terry Real: family therapist, author
• Allan Schore: clinical faculty Department of Psychiatry, University of California, Los Angeles
• Paul Conti: psychiatrist, author
• Michael Bader: psychologist, psychoanalyst